Tuesday, April 25, 2017
I've received some great feedback on my latest article for Psychology Today, entitled: "Why I Sing". I hope you enjoy it as well.
Lastly, Daisy de Boevere, a voice coach in Belgium, recently interviewed me on my practice, books, and philosophy. It was a wonderful conversation.
Best wishes to everyone; looking forward to connecting with you on
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
Are You Good Enough?
One of my singers auditioned for The Voice last week, and did an amazing job. She sang her heart out and felt fantastic about herself and her performance, and I couldn’t be more proud of her.
Before she went, however, she was
filled with doubt and emailed to ask whether she should go through with it. Was
she good enough? Was she better than those who’ve been on the show? Was it all worth
it? What if she didn’t make it; what if she ‘failed’?
We all ask these questions of ourselves… are we worthy? Will we hit the mark we’ve been aiming for? Should we bother?
Here’s what I wrote back to Sabrina. And I hope it will help you as much as it encouraged her to give up the doubt and hop on the plane!
We all ask these questions of ourselves… are we worthy? Will we hit the mark we’ve been aiming for? Should we bother?
Here’s what I wrote back to Sabrina. And I hope it will help you as much as it encouraged her to give up the doubt and hop on the plane!
~~~~~
Sabrina, do you have any idea how
hard you’ve worked and how far you’ve come?
How incredible you sound and how much you’ve gained as a singer and an
artist and a performer these past few months?
I couldn't be more thrilled for or proud of you.
We can always find people we think are better than us. Even the greatest singers in the world can find someone against whom they don’t think they compare. Should they then stop singing? Is that the point… to be ‘the best’? What does that even mean!?
You have to ask yourself… why am I auditioning, and more… why do I sing? Why did you make your CD? Why are you going to Nashville to audition for The Voice? Is it to be ‘the best’ or ‘to win’? If so, you might find yourself frustrated even if you succeed, because these are standards against which none of us can ever measure up.
If, on the other hand, you’re auditioning–
and singing and making music in general– because you want to challenge yourself
to be your best, then not only will
you enjoy the ride, but you'll continue to grow, including beyond where you once
thought possible. And if you frame winning as accomplishing your goals and
dreams with grace, persistence, and an open mind and humble heart, you will always be successful.
When you doubt yourself– and we
all do from time to time– go ahead and listen to ‘that voice’. Sometimes
it has wisdom for us… have we practiced enough? Are we working hard enough, caring for ourselves enough, and
challenging ourselves in the right ways? Take that wisdom in and apply it, and
then get back to getting ready for a wonderful adventure, both in terms of this
audition and all along your musical journey!
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
New Book Promo and Press!
What a wonderful weekend! I was just in New York City, doing interviews with Hal Leonard Publishing for my new book, The Art of Singing Onstage and in the Studio. We had some great conversations about the psychology, technology, and relationships in performing and recording, as well as performance anxiety, finding your creative niche, and discovering and developing your true voice. I also had the chance to visit Drama Books for a meet and greet, as well as to roam around Central Park with my family.
And of course... I did some singing as well. :)
Looking forward to sharing these interviews with you... coming soon!
And of course... I did some singing as well. :)
Looking forward to sharing these interviews with you... coming soon!
Monday, August 8, 2016
Finding Fulfillment
This past weekend in New York, I had the chance to work with a number of wonderful performers. We sang, we laughed, and had some great conversations. Thank you Cristian for recording our time together, and for sharing this piece that was meaningful for you in your search to discover ‘who you are’ and ‘what you want to do’. And for your willingness to share it with others in the hopes it inspires them as well.
"Coming full circle to what I was saying about being older than you and the 'wisdom' that comes with it… it’s funny when I look back on myself when I was 20, like you, I feel like I was the exact same person as I am today. Any differences are less about being smarter or better, and more about simply having had more years on the planet and the perspective that comes from that. So I’ll just offer this perspective to you.
People have an idea of what a career is supposed to look like. For example, if you say you want to be a performer, it’s as if you should do that one thing until you’re 60. But you grow and change, we want different things. I was a professional singer for years, I teach, I write books, I’m a mom, I want to work with orphans and foster kids, I want to do millions of things.
Rather than following what you feel, and the journey of life and it’s winding roads, I think that the world tries to say that who you are, your identity, is That One Label: a singer, a performer. A lawyer, a doctor, a scientist.
For me, what I’ve learned is that it’s not what you’re ‘called’ or ‘what you do’ that matters, whether it’s one thing or many throughout your life. It’s what you bring.
If I bring all of who I am and my passion and heart as a singer and teacher, if I bring that to being a mom, to working with orphans, to being a wife and a friend, and a writer, then I am fulfilled. It doesn’t matter what ‘the thing I’m doing’ is or is called. I could mop floors and be fulfilled. If I am loving the people who live in that house, if I am making a difference for them, if I am giving all I have to serving, then I am at peace and fulfilled. I’m fully alive in that moment.
There are people I know and have worked with, famous singers, who miss this entirely. Not only can they not imagine being fulfilled doing anything but singing and being successful, they don’t enjoy even that. One bad review, one wrong note, and they lose it… their composure, their power, their peace.
They’re missing it. They’re missing it. The opportunity to be alive in this and every moment.
That doesn’t mean that you can’t be intelligent, or self-reflective… I can look at a book I’ve written or a performance I've given and think, I’ll do better next time. It also doesn't mean that you shouldn't follow your dreams and passions. Of course you should.
Rather, it means that fundamentally, existentially, it doesn't matter what you do or what you call yourself. In order to disappear your fears and concerns so that you can be fully alive, you have to be willing to be present in the moment and serve, whatever it is that you are doing. You have to take away the meaning of what society says is important, including about yourself, in order to do anything with joy and peace. And by taking away that meaning, you find meaning in your work, in your life, in yourself."
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Tips For Singers
I was recently jotting some post-session notes for one of my classical singers and thought you all might benefit from them too. Great things to remember, whatever your genre or voice type:
A reminder of things to focus on:
- In general, use more energy. Not in terms of 'pushing air' or being louder necessarily, but by using diction. Not only will your singing and performances seem more energized- at whatever volume- doing so will help you to connect more powerfully with your support.
- Pay attention to your speaking voice- healthy and lovely- which is in your chest voice. Vocalize now and again in the lower regions of your voice to keep everything limber and used. Remember, the chest voice isn't wrong, and it doesn't have to be belting or strenuous.
- Watch out for 'preparing your breath' and lifting. Preparing to breathe and engage is fine. You just don't want to 'lock in' to a fixed place. Instead, you want to create a relaxed and ready space where your body can optimally engage in a way that's appropriate for each note, phrase and song.
- Re. low energy / tension on runs: use a consonant at the beginning of every note to help you connect and stay connected with your support. For many people, 'D' seems to be a good one. Start with every note, "Da, da, da, da, da" and then start to stretch out the space between: "Da-a, da-a, da-a" and then to every three, and so on.
- Lastly, remember: you are your own best teacher. You know your voice better than anyone. That doesn't mean other people can't help you immensely, or see things you don't. It means to be confident and to trust yourself. And when something doesn't make sense or feel right, speak up!
Happy practicing!
Saturday, February 27, 2016
New Book, Website, and Articles
Happy 2016 everyone! It had been over a year since I sent out a newsletter, and as one of my wonderful clients reminded me, not everyone is on Facebook or Twitter. I truly apologize for dropping the ball! I'm reposting here in the event you missed my latest updates online or in your inbox. As always, please don't hesitate to reach out, let me know how you're doing, and share how I can help to support you in all things Voice and Self-Expression! (And if you'd like to sign up for my newsletter, Click Here. I promise to keep you updated on a more regular basis!)
My New Book!
FINALLY! My next installment for Hal Leonard Publishing will be out by May 15! The Art of Singing Onstage and in the Studio has been a true labor of love, and I'm thrilled to get it into your hands and to hear your thoughts. My dear friend Rachel Kice has painted the cover (the amazing Randy Hasson did the artwork for AOS) and it's an honor once again to combine a friend's artistry and art with my words.
Here's the publishers blurb about the book:
To be a great singer, talent and technique are obviously important, as are having excellent songs and being able to move an audience. But there's more to it than that, including two critical skills that are rarely, if ever, addressed in vocal training: managing the technology on stage and in the studio, and interacting with the people who run it. No matter how fantastic your voice is or how much money is behind you, if you don't know how to work with performing and recording technology, you're in for a tough ride. Countless phenomenal singers stagnate professionally and even leave the business because they can't figure out how to deliver when using studio headphones and stage monitors, or how to communicate their needs to producers and engineers. And many less-capable singers get ahead because they can. The Art of Singing Onstage and in the Studio is the only book that comprehensively addresses these critical issues in an easy-to-read, accessible style. Starting with a discussion of the evolution of technology and the voice in our culture, it also explores the root causes of anxiety-related performance issues and, more importantly, how to overcome them. Singers, performers, producers, and engineers will all come away from this book more knowledgeable about the origins of their fields, empowered in the tools of their trade, and clearer on how to best communicate with one another.
Website Overhaul!
Now that the book is done, I'm getting ready to redo my website, with the main goal that it be in greater service to YOU with exercises, online courses, packages and programs, and more master classes and workshops here on the east coast and around the country and world. I would LOVE to hear about the kinds of content you're looking for, as well as any ideas or thoughts you all might have about how I can best support you, singers, speakers, and others looking to find your voices. Just reply to this email or reach out to me on Facebook or Twitter. I'm all ears!
My Latest Articles
As you know, discovering your voice involves discovering YOU. As such, my articles have always run the gamut topic-wise… I hope some of them will hit the mark in terms of what you're dealing with and what you need.
Psychology Today
Making the Choice to Care: Self-sacrifice and self-fulfillment need not be opposites. In the right frame of mind, they become one and the same, and a gateway to a life truly well lived.
The Importance of Rest: Getting adequate rest has become a priority in our household. Because without proper sleep, we are unable to be our best in our work, for each other, and most importantly, for our precious son.
The Gift of Acceptance: Accepting what has happened in the past is the key to peace of mind and success in every area of our lives. Unfortunately, many of us refuse to do so.
Forgiveness: Refusing to forgive someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick.
The Huffington Post
Being Mindful Versus Being Careful: I recently read an article in Business Insider about how often women overuse the word 'just'. In it, the author points out that it has become a 'permission word' that dilutes our message and weakens us when we speak. I've certainly found this to be the case: not...
My Secret to Losing 20 Pounds: Five months ago, my husband and I made a decision to lose 20 pounds in 20 weeks. For both of us, having a child had taken its toll. We were beyond pretending that the dryer was shrinking all of our clothes... beyond kidding ourselves that the camera was being enormously...
To Your Health: Patient: "Doctor, I don't feel well, and I'm not sure why." Doctor: "I want you to meditate for 20 minutes twice a day, exercise for at least 30 minutes a day, avoid processed foods, eat plenty of organic fruits and vegetables, spend more time in nature and less indoors...
From My Blog
The Importance of Preparation in Recording and Performing: On one level, singers are master preparers. A tremendous amount of time is spent training and practicing, and in the case of many recording artists, songwriting as well. In fact, singers are often virtually non-stop in their physical and mental preparation for success, whether or not any performance or recording dates are on the imminent horizon...
Discovering Vocal Freedom: Janelle Laarakker from VibrantVocals.com recently reached out to me with some thought-provoking questions about how we can best find vocal strength, ease, and freedom. I loved our conversation, and hope you find my answers helpful. As always, feel free to share your thoughts!
Email Coaching: "I expected something powerful from you, but I was really taken by the beauty of what you wrote. Thanks for letting me throw a haystack at you so you could sift through it. I completely agree that some of my personal issues are affecting my singing. I hadn't put that together before. I was looking strictly at my singing experiences for clues while I probably would have been better off looking more holistically at things. I loved your letter and I think that it is full of the right kind of keys to unlock this reserved demeanor that has taken over me."
The Art of Singing

Thanks to all of you, The Art of Singing continues to be a Hal Leonard Bestseller! What's more, I just learned that AOS is now required reading at Clemson University and Anderson University, and has just been added to the bookstore of NAMM's Museum of Making Music, alongside incredible authors (and friends) Dan Levitin and Victor Wooten! Thanks so much for all of your feedback, and for continuing to share the good word!
And Last but NOT Least. . .
My most important creation. . . :)
Thank you all so much for continuing to ask about (not so little!) Lucas. He's now 2 and a half, and just incredible (she says, gushing!) I had no way of knowing what this journey of motherhood would entail, but it has indeed been a wild, wonderful ride that I wouldn't trade for the world.
Here's John, Lucas and me recently enjoying some SERIOUS snow!

As always, much love and Happy Singing!
Jennifer
www.JenniferHamady.com
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Being Mindful Versus Being Careful
I recently read an article in Business Insider about how often women overuse the word 'just'. In it, the author points out that it has become a 'permission word' that dilutes our message and weakens us when we speak. I've certainly found this to be the case: not only in our words, but in our voices, energy, and body language, we often apologize for what it is we say, as well as for ourselves saying it.
Nothing has highlighted the importance of how I speak and the words I choose more than having a child. Our awareness as adults doesn't begin to compare with the carefulness of children's listening and their diligent observation.
Thanks to Lucas, I've recognized and cleaned up some of my own less effective speaking and listening habits. For example, statements that sound even the slightest bit like questions (tonally turning up at the end), invite disagreement. This is fine when we're exploring, learning and having a discussion, but not when something's closed for debate. "It's time to go to bed, OK?" just doesn't cut it.
Similarly, my certainty about an outcome is as powerful- if not more so- than the words I use about what I want to happen. If I don't know that Lucas will go to bed at 8pm- or return a toy to a friend, or stop at the street corner- he is less likely to do so... regardless of what I say.
Interestingly, one of my biggest communication lessons has involved a single word choice. As Lucas entered toddlerhood and became more active, I noticed that my admonition to 'be careful' didn't feel good- to either of us- no matter how I said it. Implicit in the words were a fear and heaviness I rarely felt until after I said them; my choice of language was suggesting an emotional state that then became reality.
I therefore replaced 'careful' with the word 'mindful' and immediately noticed a change. Gone were the heaviness and fear; in their place emerged a sense of thoughtfulness as well as a calm awareness of self, others, and objects in both myself and Lucas. As with the women who removed the word 'just' from their vocabularies, this simple shift had a profound and positive impact.
It's funny that I should be surprised by the power of language, given that in my work I place tremendous importance on the words we choose when speaking about our instruments and ourselves. Even common words like 'high' and 'low' can adversely influence how singers perceive and attempt to engage with certain pitches, regardless of how well trained they are. It's therefore critical for them- and all of us- to carefully select language that empowers and enables us, rather than default to words that impair our performance and sense of wellbeing.
Following my 'careful versus mindful' discovery, I spent a few days looking deliberately at my words and communication habits- in every area of my life- and was fascinated to see, unbeknownst to me, how many ineffective ones had crept in (including an all too frequent occurrence of that pesky 'just').
Consider taking on this 'word watching' project yourself for a day or two. Some of you may even want to keep a journal and jot down ways of speaking that surprise you, for better and worse. Once we become more conscious of the language we choose to use and the way we speak, we not only become more effective communicators. The quality of our relationships improves dramatically as well, including the ones we have with our children and ourselves.
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
Making the Choice to Care
A number of my clients have recently been dealing with the decline of their elderly loved ones. Spouses transitioning from partners to patients… Parents who once changed their children's diapers and fed them by hand are now in need of the same.
I've observed as they've wrestled with how to balance their own lives with their family members' needs. Some have been able to create schedules that enable the fulfillment of both. Others have sold homes and shuttered careers in order to move and lend a hand. A tremendous amount of struggle and stress is common in both choices, and every choice in between.
While I’m blessed that both of my parents are still healthy, having a young child has allowed me to see the love and intense sacrifice it takes to care for another human being. Prior to Lucas’s birth, conversations about this kind of commitment were just that; now, I am able to better resonate with clients and friends who have become late-stage caregivers with a level of understanding and compassion that my childless self couldn’t have.
Here in the West, we long for independence and freedom, and often wrestle with the ties that bind us in service to others, including family members. Culturally, it seems that the two are contrary; that caring for another costs us the energy required to become and remain ourselves… that the time spent means time taken away from other more important personal and professional pursuits.
Certainly becoming a primary or even a secondary caregiver requires a dedication of resources– including time and energy– that might be otherwise spent elsewhere. Plans and money may need to be diverted. Projects might get delayed, or even shelved.
Yet most of the struggle I’ve observed– including in myself as a new mother– has had less to do with the responsibilities of caregiving no matter how taxing, and more to do with our resisting them.
In every area of life, resistance is the supreme inhibitor of productivity and joy. When we struggle against the way things are, or fight against changes that most certainly will come, we find ourselves weakened, frustrated, and powerless. Only when we surrender to and accept our circumstances do we have the opportunity to find peace, and if we choose, to alter them.
The critical aspect of becoming a caregiver, therefore, is not deciding to take on the role, should we choose to do so. It is making the choice to care; accepting the responsibility, surrendering to it, and even embracing it as an opportunity.
When we make this powerful choice, we become privileged to experience the incredible gifts that accompany it. We gain a new perspective on what– and who– really matters. We witness ourselves becoming increasingly generous and kind. We develop previously unfathomable levels and layers of patience, compassion, and love.
Most of all, it is this profound love and connection with the people in our lives that is the true reward. When we’re in the trenches, sacrificing completely and giving our all, we might not always see it this way. We may at times feel overwhelmed, tired, and frustrated. It may seem that we're missing out on more important things...
Yet when we pause and step back, the radiant and transcendent power of that love and connection become clear, as does its proper place in the scheme of what really matters.
Looking back at my own life, I know that I won’t focus on the tough days and exhausting nights as hours lost or time wasted. I will see a life of dedication to the development of another human being, commitment to my family, and one day perhaps, having the honor of caring for my aging parents, as they for so long cared for me.
I will look back on my life, having learned that people, relationships, and love are what are most important. And that I was blessed to have lived a life committed to them.
This article was originally published in Psychology Today.
Jennifer Hamady is a voice coach and psychotherapist specializing in technical and emotional issues that interfere with self-expression. You can learn more about her work, her books, and her approach at www.FindingYourVoice.com
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Discovering Vocal Freedom
Janelle Laarakker from VibrantVocals.com recently reached out to me with some thought-provoking questions about how we can best find vocal strength, ease, and freedom. I loved our conversation, and hope you find my answers helpful. As always, feel free to share your thoughts!
Can you please define “vocal freedom” for us? What do you consider to be the first important step singers must take to discover true vocal freedom?
For me, the path to vocal freedom runs alongside the quest for personal freedom. And as a result, the questions that we need to ask to achieve both are very similar. What am I holding onto that doesn’t serve me? What do I need to release to have the freedom that I so long for? Is there anything in me that is resisting true power? Am I in any way comfortable in my discomfort? Am I wary of full self-expression? Am I uncomfortable with surrender? This last question is particularly important, as the most meticulous and powerful singing requires the ability to truly let go and allow your voice and the enormity of your instrument to overcome you.
When most singers think of vocal freedom and how to achieve it, very often they look to technical issues with the voice and exercises to remedy them, without also looking at these larger themes. Sometimes technical problems are really just that, of course; sometimes to relieve vocal tension, you need a specific change in your physical approach. But more often than not in my experience, personal and vocal issues are intertwined in both their presentation and resolution.
In addition to clearing out issues that stand in the way of our freedom, as singers we also need to know what it is we want. Do I want to be a great singer? Famous? To be connected to my true voice, or to sound a certain way? To revel in the amazing experience of singing, no matter how far I go professionally, or to reach the top no matter how hellacious the journey may be?
Too often we’re unsure of what we want, in singing and beyond. We blend our true desires with what we think we should want - often without realizing it - and then our actions are equally muddy and muddled.
In observing and coaching other singers, what are some common issues you find are causing their vocal tension and damaging singing habits? Are singers often limited by similar inhibitions controlling their ability to sing freely?
Most of the issues I see with singers involve faulty belief systems that then manifest physically. These beliefs include that singing is physically hard and burdensome to master, that it is something people can’t inherently know how to do well; that someone has to teach it to them. That singing must be learned with a language and intellect-first approach, and that excellent, reflexive singing follows only as a result of learning this way.
In my experience, these are all false. You first have to allow the reflexive instrument to show you what it knows how to do, and to continue to work in partnership with its wisdom in areas that need to be modified and development.
I’m always heartbroken to see how much anxiety and difficulty people have when it comes to issues involving ‘range’, ‘registers’, and their ability to hit ‘low’ and ‘high’ notes. These and many other problems stem first and foremost from clinging too powerfully to language, rather than recognizing that the words we use are reflections of what the body accomplishes without trouble.
Think about it: on a slide, you move right through your range and register shifts. Low and high notes are both effortless. Your voice knows what to do; it’s your mind that makes singing and developing the voice so much harder than it has to be. There is a huge distinction between effort and struggle. Stop resisting your voice and you will be amazed at how efficient and powerful it is.
How does discovering our “authentic voice” positively affect our vocal development and our entire singing experience?
When we’re in alignment personally and vocally, issues gain the proper perspective. When the voice is a vehicle for self-expression, rather than something that has to be perfect to provide us with a sense of meaning and worth, we not only bring the right energy to our training and development, but see the proper paths to take and are easily able to follow them.
For me, discovering your authentic voice means discovering your voice as an expression of who you really are, and removing any added ‘stuff’. You’re just you, expressing yourself plainly, powerfully, and comfortably. Stripping away the excess also tends to help resolve issues singers have with finding their real sound. Most of us learn both inadvertently and deliberately through imitation, which is a fantastic teacher. Some however, then have a hard time discovering who they are beyond an affect. Honing in on who you are authentically makes this sonic recognition more simple.
How can singers effectively bridge the gap between intellectual singing and emotional singing?
In my view, it is best for intellectual engagement - particularly when it comes to development - to come after the initial, emotional engagement. You have to witness the voice before you try to make adjustments to it; you have to observe the voice before you try to name and describe what it’s doing.
That said, some people can handle an intellectual discussion of how to best approach a passage, integrate it, and then let the voice and its full emotionality lead. It really depends on the person. And certainly, when it comes to advanced singing, the two are ideally able to be engaged simultaneously, with the intellect keeping an ongoing presence at a healthy distance.
Regardless of the approach, the goal is to possess a full knowledge of how to use your voice as a matter of ownership, rather than something external that has to be thought and worried about. So long as the body knows, and the singer knows that it knows, that’s all that matters.
Can you share your view on singing as a creative process?
When I think of creativity, and the creative process, I think of curiosity and wonder. I think of humility, and its power to help us remain excited about learning and discovering.
Albert Einstein said that you can live life as if nothing is a miracle, or as if everything is a miracle. I see this as wholly applicable to singing.
What advice can you give for how to embrace our natural singing voices while maximizing our potential for healthy vocal production and artistry?
My advice is to sing constantly and to trust yourself, and your voice.
Embracing our natural singing voices requires us to explore and play. Maximizing its potential involves observation and integration. Both require dedication and an unbounded sense of time.
I have a two year old who loves water. He’ll spend 30 minutes pouring it from one container into another, absolutely mesmerized. He’ll fill a bucket, dump it on his head, then roll around in the puddles. He’ll spend forever tracing the edges of his spills with his fingers, then watch the droplets fall from his fingers back into the bucket.
When he plays this way, Lucas is doing just that… playing. He’s taking it all in at a level I relate to when I totally lose myself while ‘working’ on a vocal line. I put work in quotes, because even the trickiest parts of my voice and most challenging passages never seem like work to me.
It has to be fun, or you won’t enjoy it. And more, you won’t likely get down deep enough into the experience to own and truly understand it.
Allow yourself to play, and to get lost in the richness of developing your voice. It is truly a miracle.
Learn more about Jennifer, her practice, books, and approach at: www.FindingYourVoice.com
Monday, July 27, 2015
How I Lost 20 Pounds
We're now a week away from the finish line, and not only have we been dropping the pounds, we've been having a blast. We've got a great group on Facebook along for the ride, and the camaraderie and encouragement have been so helpful. In every sense of the word, I feel lighter.
Many people have asked what's made the group so effective. Were we all following a specific diet? Did we have daily phone calls, participate in weekly video chats, or keep food journals?
None of the above. We're a hodge-podge of about 20 friends, each of us doing things our own way. Some people aren't even weighing themselves, but are taking measurements instead. And there are about 20 different food and exercise plans, many of which seem to change weekly.
What we do have in common is that we're a chocolate and wine loving, chops-busting, laugh-out- loud kind of crew.
And that, I'm convinced, has been our secret to success.
In my work, much of what I do is solitary. I mainly see clients one-on-one and spend a good deal of time writing. I'm often in my head, and my accountability is largely to myself. I've always loved working this way, but after having this experience, I now see how enriching, empowering, and fun working with a group can be... in this and every area of life.
For those of you interested in losing weight, I don't have any revolutionary tips. I ate a little less and moved a lot more. I had nutrient-dense smoothies and fruit in the mornings and ate veggies and protein in the afternoons and evenings. Shifting between the two did seem to help keep my body in a weight loss "mode."
That said, no plan works unless you stick to it, and in that sense, our group was absolutely the key to my success. Making a game of dropping 20 pounds with friends not only made what could have been an arduous process enjoyable, it meant that it wasn't only about me. When I longed for a cheeseburger (and I'll admit, I enjoyed a few!) I knew that I'd be letting down more than myself if I decided to totally go off the rails. When I checked in and saw how everyone else was doing, it spurned me on to keep up the good work, for myself and to encourage others.
Most importantly, sharing our struggles and victories kept all of us from getting stuck in our heads and forgetting why we started the journey in the first place: to be healthy, to be happy, and to accomplish something we set our minds to.
Whatever your goals, whatever you want to achieve in life- whether it be losing weight, building or growing a company, or pursuing a new hobby or a long-held passion- find a community of people to join you. For accountability, for increased learning, for feedback, perspective, grounding, and fun. It will make all the difference.
This article was originally posted in The Huffington Post.
And that, I'm convinced, has been our secret to success.
In my work, much of what I do is solitary. I mainly see clients one-on-one and spend a good deal of time writing. I'm often in my head, and my accountability is largely to myself. I've always loved working this way, but after having this experience, I now see how enriching, empowering, and fun working with a group can be... in this and every area of life.
For those of you interested in losing weight, I don't have any revolutionary tips. I ate a little less and moved a lot more. I had nutrient-dense smoothies and fruit in the mornings and ate veggies and protein in the afternoons and evenings. Shifting between the two did seem to help keep my body in a weight loss "mode."
That said, no plan works unless you stick to it, and in that sense, our group was absolutely the key to my success. Making a game of dropping 20 pounds with friends not only made what could have been an arduous process enjoyable, it meant that it wasn't only about me. When I longed for a cheeseburger (and I'll admit, I enjoyed a few!) I knew that I'd be letting down more than myself if I decided to totally go off the rails. When I checked in and saw how everyone else was doing, it spurned me on to keep up the good work, for myself and to encourage others.
Most importantly, sharing our struggles and victories kept all of us from getting stuck in our heads and forgetting why we started the journey in the first place: to be healthy, to be happy, and to accomplish something we set our minds to.
Whatever your goals, whatever you want to achieve in life- whether it be losing weight, building or growing a company, or pursuing a new hobby or a long-held passion- find a community of people to join you. For accountability, for increased learning, for feedback, perspective, grounding, and fun. It will make all the difference.
This article was originally posted in The Huffington Post.
Labels: inspiring
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Happy Holidays!
As 2014 comes to a close, I'm once again amazed by how fast time has flown. Especially now with Lucas in our lives, it seems to whip by like the winter wind!
The holidays are a great time to stop and reflect on all that has come before, and what awaits us in the new year. And how to best go about meeting those new adventures and challenges. I love what Deepak Chopra has to say on the matter– a great way of thinking and being for every day of the year:
Deepak Chopra Walks The Way of Spirituality
by Nancy Lloyd for the LA Times
http://tinyurl.com/pqfuna5
Wishing you and yours a most wonderful time this holiday season. I look forward to seeing you in 2015 with the release of my new book, "Singing on Stage and in the Studio" as well as in workshops, classes, and online trainings. I'll also have some new Huffington Post and Psychology Today articles out as well.
Until then!
Jennifer, John and Lucas (our little winter angel… :)
Labels: inspiring
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Giving Up Control
People want control. We're all desperate for it. What we wouldn't give to have more of it in our relationships, work, and lives...
Not that we come right out and say so. Instead, we hedge a bit, asking coaches, therapists, and friends how to better manage our careers and other people. How we can change this or that aspect of ourselves or our circumstances, how we might better deal with specific situations and relationships.
Certainly, there's nothing wrong with wanting growth and development. Yet that's not what most of us are really after. Subtle as we try to be, the proof is in the pudding of our thoughts, feelings, and actions; in spite of all our questioning and questing, many of us feel pretty stuck. No matter the energy we exert, we remain in a standstill.
In singing, this dance is more obviously defeatist, as the results– and the language of intent– really do speak for themselves. Singers come to me for coaching wanting to learn how to master the tension to create agility, to understand the force that will allow flexibility, and to learn to control their range of dynamic expression.
Even if you're not a singer, you can imagine that the success rates are close to nil. It's just not possible to release tension by creating it; you can't force flexibility, and freedom, by nature, is unable to be controlled.
That doesn't stop singers– or the rest of us– from trying, though.
Why is this? Why do we as a culture persist in attempting to control our way to personal, creative, and professional freedom?
The answer, I've found, is pretty interesting.
And that is that most of us don't actually want freedom.
Before you disagree, look at the areas in which you wish you had a greater level of freedom, peace, and aliveness. If you've yet to achieve these things, I'd gamble that what you're really after is control.
Or said another way, freedom your way.
Yes, you want a great marriage, if the other person is like this, this, and this. Yes, you want a fulfilling career, on the condition that it will always be such and such. And yes you want children so long as X, Y, and Z.
That's not to say you shouldn't have standards, hopes, and goals. We all do.
But if you're struggling– if you're feeling out of, or the need for, control– it's less likely that something's wrong with the object of your desires and more likely that there's something you've been unwilling to give up in order get what it is you say you want. Including what might be impossible standards. Or, perhaps, a standard that shifts every time what you yearn for gets a bit too close for comfort...
When we long for things to be the way we want them to be, rather than the way they are, that's not a quest for freedom. That's resistance. Especially if what we want flies in the face of reality.
What exactly is it that we are resisting?
The circumstances of life. How we and other people are. What was. What might be.
We resist life and other people. We resist the past and our future. We resist our feelings, thoughts, and even ourselves. We resist the truth. And then we delude ourselves into thinking that if we resist long enough, if we try to control hard enough, we'll eventually be free.
Reality check: You cannot change a situation or circumstance when you're in the process of resisting it. Just as you can't catch a beach ball if you're holding another one in your hands, you can't embrace something new until you let go of the old, stale, and painful reasons for and arguments about why things are the way they are.
To be clear, I'm not saying that we should release everything to the wind, watching passively as the world and other people go by. Not at all. The opposite of control is not laziness or apathy.
The opposite of control is acceptance.
When you accept, when you give up the illusion of control, you not only discover the peace and freedom that come with it. You become– perhaps for the first time– truly empowered to handle any and everything that comes your way.
When you accept, when you give up the illusion of control, you not only discover the peace and freedom that come with it. You become– perhaps for the first time– truly empowered to handle any and everything that comes your way.
Why? Because there's no energy being dedicated to holding yourself back any longer. The emergency brake you've had on yourself and your life comes off, and you're finally able to cruise forward with power, freedom, and the ability to express yourself fully and create in the world– a world that you now realize is filled with opportunity.
So make peace with life. Accept yourself, others, and the world the way they are. Surrender to riding the waves instead of standing stubborn and still as they crash down upon you. When you do, the urge to control dissipates and freedom emerges. And along with it, the sense and eventually the knowledge that anything, and everything, is possible.





